


Worth It

by ArabellaFaith



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 09:26:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10694160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArabellaFaith/pseuds/ArabellaFaith
Summary: A chance meeting changes two lives for the better.





	Worth It

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SomethingWorthFightingFor](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SomethingWorthFightingFor) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> "Kill the spare."  
> –Voldemort, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (book)
> 
> All canon characters, plots, and situations from the Harry Potter series belong to JK Rowling. I am not profiting from this work. Thank you to my beta for their time and work on this story.

Cho,

 

I was so surprised to run into you today, and in a muggle shop to boot!  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised about the shop, since I did hear that you had been dating a muggle…  Still, it was nice to see a familiar face.  My magic has been so flighty since- well, you know- that I feel like I blend in better with the muggles.  That doesn’t mean I don’t miss everything.

 

Anyway, I’m just rambling.  All I wanted to say was hello and that stopping to talk for a bit made my day.  So thanks.

 

Katie

 

* * *

 

Katie,

 

I’m glad we got the chance to catch up a little.  I’m not dating Howard anymore, but I feel like I’ve been living more in the muggle world than the wizarding one, too.  Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m a little shocked that you, of all people, would understand.  You never looked like any of it got to you, even right after you’d been attacked, or after the battle.  I guess I always just assumed that none of it bothered you.  I know that sounds stupid, of course it  _ bothered _ you, but you get what I mean.  I always looked up to you for how composed you were.  Better than me, who couldn’t go more than ten minutes without being a weeping mess.

 

Not that crying is wrong.  My therapist keeps reminding me that it’s perfectly okay to cry, and that it’s a valid form of expression.  Aaand now I’ve told you that I’ve got a therapist.  So you probably think I’ve become some nut job.  Which isn’t true… mostly.  But if we’re going to be friends, I guess maybe you should know that shite upfront.  And we are, right?  Going to be friends, I mean?

 

Bollocks, I feel like an idiot now.  Okay, ending this letter before I put my foot any further into my mouth.

 

Cho

 

* * *

 

Cho,

 

Of course we’re going to be friends.  Honestly it sounds like these days we’re two of a kind, so we’ve got to stick together.  

 

I think maybe I came across as strong and collected because I felt like I had to.  Part of the Gryffindor persona, you know?  But it’s not like you get over being horribly tortured and spending six months in painful recovery and have no after effects at all.  Not to mention the horribly gruesome battle we fought in the very next year.   _ My _ therapist thinks I have something she called Post Traumatic something-or-other.  At least, she did before I stopped seeing her.  I wasn’t comfortable seeing someone from the wizarding world, and I couldn’t rightly explain the  _ reason _ why I’m so messed up to a muggle, so that was the end of that.

 

This is probably going to sound corny and trite and ridiculous, but maybe we were meant to run into each other.  

 

Katie

 

PS.  I cry too. Maybe more than I should.

 

* * *

 

Katie,

 

It’s strange, how people can act totally different, seem to be handling things in the complete opposite way, but be feeling the exact same things.  I don’t know, after everything that’s happened, if I can believe in fate, or even god, but I like to think that you’re right… maybe we  _ were _ supposed to meet each other again.

 

And now that I’ve successfully sounded dramatic and maudlin, why not something on the lighter side?  There’s a muggle cinema just down the street from the shop we were at last week.  Want to see a film with me?  I don’t keep up on what’s playing, but I’m sure we could find something.  And if not, we could just pick a bad one and make sarcastic commentary the whole way through.  

 

Cho

 

* * *

 

Cho,

 

Sounds brilliant.  I almost hope that it  _ is _ a crap one, just so that we can laugh and throw popcorn at the screen together.  Meet you there at seven on Friday?

 

Katie

 

* * *

 

Cho,

 

I’m so so  _ so _ sorry.  Honestly, I had no idea they made films like that, let alone with an actor that would look so much like him.  I should never have picked that one.  Please let me know you made it home safe.  I’m worried about you.

 

Katie

 

* * *

 

Katie,

 

I made it home safe.  You have nothing to apologize for.  How could you have known how the movie would end?  It’s not your job to guard me against all the little things that set me off.  It’s been five years.  I should be over it by now.

 

I’m sorry that I ran out like that.  It was ridiculously rude.  Maybe we can try another time?  A different film, or maybe a trip to the skating rink instead?

 

Cho

 

* * *

 

Cho,

 

Both of those sound fun.  How about we do both?

 

You don’t have to be so hard on yourself.  Who’s to say how long it takes to get over something like that?  There’s no deadline for when you have to stop grieving, no timetable that says how long it will take to stop hurting.  It’s been almost as many years since I was cursed, but I still don’t like touching jewelry, and I probably never will.

 

Know what the worst part is?  I don’t even have anyone I can hate for it.  Yeah, I can blame Draco, but really, he was almost as much a victim as I was.  After all that shite about his family came out, I realized that it wasn’t really his fault.  I mean, can I say I wouldn’t have done the same thing in his place?  And while I suppose it’s good not to hold onto that kind of anger or need for revenge, I almost wish there  _ was _ someone I could blame.  Someone I could say, ‘it’s their fault,’ and want them punished for it.  But who should I blame?  Draco’s father for allowing him to be put in that position?  He’s already rotting in Azkaban.  Voldemort?  He’s dead, and with far more heinous crimes to his name than coercing a teenager to bring a cursed necklace to school.  So it just sits there, festering.  That’s the worst part.

 

Katie

 

* * *

 

Katie,

 

_ Kill the spare _ .  That’s what he said.  A few years ago, I asked Harry to show me what happened that night.  He was reluctant, but eventually he let me see the pensieve memory.  It was all over so quickly.  They arrived, Cedric realized the cup was a portkey, and then, ‘kill the spare.’  One flash of green light later and he was dead.

 

In a way, it helped me.  Seeing that he didn’t suffer.  He didn’t even see it coming.  His last moments were the joy of realizing he’d won the Triwizard Tournament with Harry.  But those words, they haunt me in my sleep, Katie.  They are the worst part for me, worse than the battle, worse than all the carnage we saw there.  Somehow,  _ that _ made a kind of twisted sense.  It was a war, we were soldiers.  Hell, we signed up to be in the army.  But not that night.  That night, it was just two boys caught in the machinations of a madman.  But Cedric wasn’t the one Voldemort wanted.  He was a spare.  Disposable.  Not even worth the effort of knowing what his name was.

 

I wish I could have told that bastard, before he died.  I wish I could have said, ‘his name was Cedric,’ and then made him suffer for what he’d done.  Not even Harry, who had suffered the most at his hands, felt that kind of anger or need for revenge.  So what does that make me?

 

Cho

 

* * *

 

Cho,

 

Human.  It makes you human.

 

The skating rink at five tomorrow?

 

Katie

 

* * *

 

K,

 

I wish we could have stayed at the rink longer!  I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you dancing on the ice.  Who would have thought your grace in flying would translate so well to skating?  And even though you’re obviously an expert, you still stayed behind most of the time, holding my hand to keep me from falling.  Thank you for that.  I guess it’s been awhile since I let someone really support me.

 

I told my therapist about it this morning, and she said I was ‘making progress’ and that since I’ve found someone I trust enough to lean on, I should ‘keep them close.’  So now you’re really stuck with me, Katie Bell.

 

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

I wouldn’t say I was beautiful on the ice.  Yeah, I can keep from falling on my arse and manage to look okay doing it, but by the end there you were already catching on, too.  After a few more trips, you’ll be doing far better than me, I’m sure of it.  So you’ll go with me again, right?

 

This probably isn’t going to seem like it makes sense, but it’s just as big of a deal to me that I felt comfortable leading you as it was for you that you let me.  To be honest, you’re really the first person I’ve opened up to since everything that happened.  Being with you is the most fun I’ve had since… well since I don’t remember when.  I guess that means you don’t have to worry about me being stuck with you, because you’re stuck with me, too.  We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?

 

K

 

* * *

 

K,

 

First, don’t panic about the howler!  If you haven’t opened it, then do it, I promise it’s nothing bad.  What you said in your last letter about being stuck together made me think of this song my mum used to sing all the time when I was younger.  I don’t think you have a computer at home, so I couldn’t come up with a better way to send music via owl.

 

If it’s not too cold, do you want to go to the rink again tomorrow?  I thought we could catch a late movie after.  No waterworks from me this time, cross my heart.

 

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

I’ll admit, when I saw the red envelope, I just about had a fit.  But I love that song!  Sometimes I forget that muggle music is so good!  You’re right, I don’t have a computer, but maybe I should get one, considering how much time I spend in the muggle world.  And maybe you’d be willing to share more songs with me?  I feel like there’s a whole world of music out there that I’ve been missing out on.

 

I’d love to go back to the rink.  And to the cinema, waterworks or no.  I happened to check, though, and they’ve got one playing that looks like utter rubbish, so I say we pick that one and go back to our original plan of mocking and popcorn throwing.

 

Meet you at the rink at five!

 

K

 

PS. If you bring your wand, we might be able to sneak back into the rink after the movie.  A quick  _ alohamora _ should pop the gates open!

 

* * *

 

K,

 

That was, hands down, the best night of my life.  How is it possible that we barely brushed shoulders all those years in school, and now in just a few months you’ve become my best friend?  I haven’t laughed so hard in years.  Seriously, my stomach muscles are still sore from it, and my cheeks hurt from grinning so much.  It’s a good thing we were the only ones in that theater or they would have thrown us out for making too much noise.

 

On a more serious note, have you considered seeing someone at St Mungo’s about the trouble  you’re having with your magic?  I know you said you don’t like the idea of going back there after all the time you spend there in school, but they might be able to help.  If it’s more than just a psychological block, they might be able to fix it.  I’m not going to pressure you, I just wanted to put the idea in your ear and let you know that I could be there for moral support, if you wanted.

 

I’ve got a couple of weeks vacation saved up and was thinking about going somewhere warm.  A beach, maybe.  Have any suggestions?

 

C

 

* * *

 

C

 

I had fun, too.  More than that.  Fun sounds mundane compared to the night we had.  I can only hope it was the first of many more like it to come!

 

As for St. Mungos, I don’t know.  If I never try, then I’ll never find out if it’s something they can fix or not, but knowing seems almost worse.  What if they  _ can’t _ fix it?  What if it’s going to get worse until I become a squib or something?  I’m just not sure I can face finding out quite yet.  But you can trust that when and if I do work up the courage, I’ll be expecting you to hold my cowardly little hand the whole way through.

 

Barcelona!  Or Florida!  Ooh, Greece!  I did a fair amount of traveling while I was writing my first book, and there are some amazing beaches out in the big, wide world.  I’ll have to write up a list of all my favorites and pass it along!

 

K

 

* * *

 

K,

 

A list would be very helpful!  Unless you have the time and want to come with me?  Vacations are always better to share with someone, and I wouldn’t turn down having my own personal tour guide.

 

We could talk about it over dinner tomorrow?  Seven o’clock at the Brigby?

 

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

I’m so excited that I haven’t been able to sit in one place since I got home.  It’s nearly three in the morning, and I should go to bed, but instead I’m on this new computer trying to cross reference information from wizarding sources with what I can find on the internet about vacation spots.  I can’t wait until we go!  

 

I for sure can’t apparate myself, but maybe we could arrange for a series of portkeys and go to several different places?   _ Gah _ , I just want to show you everything!  Have I mentioned yet how excited I am?

 

Also, in case I forgot to mention it (amid all my excitement about vacation plans) you looked absolutely stunning tonight.  How you manage to always be so regal and classy is beyond me.  Most of the time I’m lucky if I remember to clean the mud off my boots before I go out…

 

I probably won’t get any sleep because I’ll be up all night looking at vacation stuff, so if you get a gibberish letter with a bunch of info on beaches sometime tomorrow, disregard the nonsense.

 

K

 

* * *

 

K,

 

You  _ did _ mention how excited you were, but since I’m just as excited, you can keep on mentioning it as much as you like.  The idea about the portkeys is genius.  I got the packet you sent over, so why don’t we have dinner again tomorrow night and we can pick which places we want to go?

 

And you did tell me that you liked my dress the other night, but it’s another thing that can’t be said too much, so I’ll take the comment gracefully even though I think you’re totally crazy if you don’t think you look just as good in your boots and jeans as I do in a dress and heels.  Honestly, if my arse looked that good in denim, I’m not sure I’d ever wear anything else.

 

C

 

* * *

 

C

 

Two more weeks!  

 

I can’t believe there are only two more weeks before we leave!  Do you have all your paperwork ready?  We need both muggle and wizarding sets, just in case.  And don’t forget locator charms on your luggage.  Merlin, I sound like such a stick in the mud…

 

I’m just going to shut up now before I annoy you so much you decide to go on vacation by yourself!

 

K

 

* * *

 

K,

 

It’s not annoying at all.  I need the reminders!  Want to come over this weekend and help me pack?  Knowing me, I’ll forget something important, like knickers, and I’ll have to spend the whole time commando.

 

C

 

* * *

 

K,

 

Coming back to dreary London after spending so much time at the beach wasn’t a pleasant change, but I’ll admit that it’s nice to be home.  My biggest problem now is that I keep getting up and thinking of something to tell you and realizing that you’re not just right there anymore!  Still, I suppose there’s not much very exciting going on, so I guess I can manage to contain myself to letters again.

 

Hope you got all settled back in okay and that your sunburn isn’t bothering you too much.  Want to come over for a movie this weekend?  I figure if we watch it at my place, we can talk as much as we want without disturbing anyone else.

 

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

I know what you mean about having to readjust to being alone again.  Twice today I turned to ask you something and realized you were across town.  Plus, I’m beginning to think my magic works better when you’re around.  It did great on vacation, then earlier I tried to reheat my tea and I couldn’t even get it lukewarm.  Maybe it  _ is _ just a psychological block, and I’m that much more relaxed when you’re around.

 

We can test my hypothesis at our movie night.  I’ll try popping the popcorn see what happens.  Let’s just hope I don’t accidentally fill the living room with it, or turn the kernels into rocks or something crazy.

 

K

 

* * *

 

K,

 

Well I’m glad to know that your magic does, indeed, work better around me.  I guess that just means you’re going to have to hang out with me as much as possible until it all comes back to you naturally.  Good thing I like your company better than anyone else's!

 

Dinner tonight?

 

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

How do you keep finding these amazing little hole-in-the-wall restaurants?  I swear, I must have walked by that place a million times and never gave it a second glance.  Who would have thought the food was orgasmic?

 

From now on, you pick all the dinner places we go to.  Even the take-away orders.  I’ll get terribly fat, but I don’t even care.

 

Movie at my place this time?  I think I figured out how to get the damn TV hooked up to the internet, so we should have our pick of any one we want.

 

K

 

* * *

 

C,

 

Please please talk to me, Cho.  I’m sorry, okay?  I wasn’t thinking. It was stupid, and reckless and thoughtless.  

 

I just… please don’t be upset.  I’m so so sorry and it won’t happen again.

 

Please let me know you made it home safe.

 

K

 

* * *

 

K,

 

I made it home.  You don’t have anything to apologize for.  I should be apologizing for running out like that.  I’m pants at talking about stuff like this, and I wanted to get my head together before I even tried expressing myself.

 

It’s not like it came totally out of the blue.  After that night in Spain, and what happened on the beach, I thought… well we never talked about it so I assumed you wanted to forget it.  Which was fine.  It’s not like I’d let something like that ruin our friendship.  Then or now.

 

But Katie, this can’t just be a casual thing that happens now and again.  I don’t work that way.  Ever since Cedric, it takes me so long to get close to anyone, and I can’t just turn it off like a switch.  If I’m in, then I’m all in.

 

I understand if that’s not something you’re interested in.  We can put the whole thing behind us and not talk about it again for a decade and then we’ll look back and laugh about it.  Just promise that no matter what, things won’t change between us.  You’re my best friend, and I can’t stand the thought of losing you.

 

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

I can’t begin to tell you how happy your letter made me.  I really thought I’d bollocksed things up for good.  I still am sorry, for the way I sprang it on you.  It was just the fire and the wine and the way your tongue ran along your lower lip… Merlin, if I go any further this is going to start to sound vaguely pornographic.  The point is, I shouldn’t have just lunged at you, and I’m sorry for that.

 

You aren’t just a casual thing, Cho.  How could you be?  I know I went about this all wrong, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while.  That night in Spain, that was amazing.  It was… well it was something I’ll never forget.  I guess I thought that it was just a tipsy vacation moment for you.  When we got back to the hotel you went right to bed so I assumed you meant for it to be a one time thing.  And I meant to keep it that way.  What happened tonight- it was just a stupid moment of weakness that I promise I won’t let happen again if you don’t want it.

 

Look at us, the two worst people on the planet at communicating.  Maybe if we’d talked about it then, we wouldn’t be here now.  Or if I’d just told you when I started feeling this way about you.  Honestly, I can’t even remember exactly when it was.  Maybe that second night at the ice rink?  I never wanted that night to end.  I never wanted to let go of your hand, even once we got off the ice and I didn’t have an excuse to hold it any more.

 

I just want you to know that I understand your boundaries about relationships, and I respect them.  I’m not asking for you to do anything outside of your comfort zone.  But if you  _ could _ be all in with me, then I’ll be there.  I want that more than I can say.

 

K

 

* * *

 

K,

 

You’re right, we’re both terrible communicators, and this whole mess could have been avoided if we could just talk about this stuff as easily face to face as we do writing.

 

The answer is yes, Katie.  I could be.  I want to be.  With you.  I know it’s late now, but maybe you could come over and we could try to talk?  Or I could go over there if you want.  It just seems like we owe it to each other to be in hugging (and kissing?) distance as we get this all figured out.

 

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

I never wanted you to go.  Logically, of course I knew you were going to have to go to work this morning, but now my house seems so empty without you.  I guess I’ll just take the opportunity to slather on lip balm so that I’m not chapped any more by the time I see you again.

 

Out of curiosity, what do you think constitutes dating?  Is it two people who like each other going out and doing things together?  Because if that’s the case, then we’ve been doing that from the beginning.  Does there have to be attraction involved, or some acknowledgement of interest in pursuing something physical?  Because, again, that’s been the case for a while.  Have we been dating all this time and just not known it, or does there need to be some level of awareness in order to make it ‘dating’ specifically?

 

I miss you already.  Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

 

K

 

PS. you can keep the shorts you borrowed.  Your arse looked bloody fantastic in them.

 

* * *

 

K,

 

I miss you already too.  When did we become such saps?

 

As for the dating thing, I have no clue.  I mean, aside from an increase in physical activities, we aren’t really doing anything different from what we did before.  And if it’s the physical stuff that defines a relationship, then does that mean we aren’t really dating until we have sex or something?  Doesn’t make much sense to me.  Still, I do think there has to be at least some level of awareness, otherwise two people could just go on dating forever and never know it.

 

That could have been us, you know.  It’s a good thing you find my lips so irresistable, or we could have been two idiots dating endlessly and never getting to enjoy any of the other perks.

 

Thanks for the shorts, by the way.  Maybe if you ask nice, I’ll wear them tomorrow night.

 

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

I know you said you were okay last night and this morning, but I just wanted to double check.  We spend so much time together now that we don’t get much writing in, and I know we both communicate better this way.

 

I hope you didn’t feel rushed at all, or uncomfortable with anything we did.  I never want you to regret any of what we do together.  Not that I really expected our first time doing  _ that _ would be someplace so public, but I’m still glad it happened.  And I’m  _ really _ happy about what we did when we got back to my place.  I want you to be just as happy about it.  And I hope you’re just as eager as I am for a repeat performance.

 

Just don’t shut me out, okay?  Promise you’ll keep talking to me about this stuff, that you’ll be open with me, even if it’s not what you think I want to hear.

 

I love you.

 

K

 

* * *

 

K,

 

Of course I’m okay.  I’m better than okay.  I’m… well I can’t think of a single word to describe it, but I blame you for that because my brain’s been scrambled since last night and I still haven’t recovered.  I’ll agree with you, I didn’t expect that to be quite the way we started, but I’m not complaining at all.  In fact, the only thing I would have done differently through the whole night would have just been to clip my nails  _ before _ we left the house so that I didn’t have to rush to do it when we got home.

 

Maybe from now on I’ll just keep them trimmed all the time so that I don’t have to worry about it.  Because trust me, you’re not the only one who wants that to happen again.  Not by a long shot.

 

I do think that you’re right, we still communicate better - more uninhibited - this way.  We could make it a plan to try and write back and forth at least once every other week no matter if we spend the whole time together, just to make sure we both know what the other is thinking and feeling.  What do you think?

 

Love,

C

 

* * *

 

K,

 

I’m lying in bed, wearing nothing but those black silk stockings you bought me in Paris and your favorite perfume.  I told you that you should have called in sick and stayed home with me.

 

Maybe, if you’re very very lucky, I won’t have totally worn myself out by the time you come home and there’ll be a treat for you.  Bring wine.  Oh, and remember that riding crop you got as a joke from those jockeys you wrote your last article on?  Bring that too.

 

Love,

C

 

* * *

 

C,

 

Holy  _ fuck _ , I just flooded my knickers.

 

I’m coming home early with the wine.  And the crop.  Christ I love you.

 

K

 

* * *

 

C,

 

You’re asleep next to me while I write this, but I thought, considering it’s us, that maybe a letter would be a better way of doing things.

 

My whole life got turned upside down the day I saw you in that shop two years ago.  I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water at the time.  My magic was practically shot, my writing was blocked, I was alone, and Merlin was I lonely.  I don’t think you know just how much you changed my life for the better when you came winging into it.

 

Maybe we were both a little broken.  Maybe we were both stuck in the past, reliving old horrors no matter how much we wanted to put them behind us.  But being together, even just when it was as friends, started to heal things in me that I didn’t think ever  _ could _ be healed.

 

I’ll never forget that night we snuck back onto the skating rink, both of us laughing like loons, holding hands so that you wouldn’t fall even though it was a thin excuse by that point.  Your eyes looked almost blue in the moonlight and I remember so clearly thinking that kissing you would be the most incredible thing in the world.  Even back then I was entranced by you.

 

We weren’t magical cures for each other.  It wasn’t as though all our problems disappeared over night, but looking back, it’s easy to see that you were the reason I got my magic back, the reason I stopped grimacing at the sight of a jewelry store, the reason I can go to St Mungo’s if I need without feeling like the walls are closing in on me.

 

I’m so lucky to have you in my life.  You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.  If everything that happened, everything I went through - we  _ both _ went through - is what it took to get us here, then I don’t regret any of it.  It was worth it, every single moment, to bring me to you.  So now I’m going to go out and get us coffee from that little bistro you like, and when I come back, I’m going to have a ring in my pocket.  And if you want, if you’re ready, if you feel the way that I do and want to spend the rest of your life with me breaking into skating rinks and talking during movies and having semi-public sex when we can get away with it, then I hope you’ll say yes to the question I ask you.

 

I love you, Cho Chang.   Cho Chang-Bell?  Bell-Chang?  Belchang?

 

Please say yes.  Say you’ll be mine.

 

Yours, always,

Katie


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